I got the idea for this in Costa Coffee, proof that even in the darkest place a little light may fall.

They had roast tomatoes beneath the cheese, though.

Serves 1.5

1 eating apple, cored and thinly sliced

A scant dessert spoon of butter

2 thick slices of bread

Strong cheddar – enough to tessalate on the bread

Saute the apple in the butter for about five minutes – as long as it takes to wrestle a maniacally laughing baby out of one nappy and into another. Toast one side of the bread. Press the soft, browned apple into the butter in the pan with the back of a wooden spoon to form a rough mush. Spread the mush on the untoasted side of the bread while a baby clings to your knee and howls like a wolf. Cover with cheese and toast under a hot grill till bubbling. Serve the baby’s portion cut into thick fingers.