No idea whether Bert will eat this since it doesn’t look like a banana or a bowl of shreddies (what will his excuse be when that final molar peeks through?), but hey, this is me and Bert and I liked it. And Bert – it’s the sort of thing that toddlers whose mothers post their meals on Instagram eat all the time, okay?

1 red pepper

1 can chickpeas, drained

1 peeled clove garlic

2 tablespoons peanut butter

3 tablespoons lemon juice

30 ml olive oil

Sea salt

Put the pepper directly on to the hob or Aga hot plate and char till the skin is black and wrinkly. Put it straight into a sealed plastic bag. When it’s cool, peel the skin off, de-seed and put everything in a blender to puree. Add a little more lemon juice and oil if it seems too thick.

Bert was naked on his hands and knees with a hand towel last night after his bath, scrubbing away at a tiny spot of wee on the carpet. He’s either ready for potty training or terrified of me and my Victorian workhouse regime.